by Andrew Lansdown
We have all done things we regret, things we wish we could undo. And even when they are not a cause of lasting harm, these regrettable things are often a cause of lasting shame.
The Australian singer-songwriter Paul Kelly explores the theme of regret in his song, “If I Could Start Today Again”. Through a pleasing fusion of lyrics and music, Kelly draws us into an experience of regret in all its aspects.
I first became acquainted with Kelly’s song through a rendition by Vika and Linda on their CD Two Wings. The moment I heard it, I knew I would one day write about it. And now that day has arrived, I wish I could write the tune into my article as well as the lyrics. For, of course, much of the emotion of the song is bound up with the music. Nonetheless, the lyrics stand alone reasonably well and are worth pondering.
“If I Could Start Today Again” is Kelly’s lament over some wrong that he has done and longs to undo. The details of the offence are never mentioned. The whole focus is on the ongoing consequences. Verse by verse the song highlights various aspects of regret.
The song begins with an expression of helplessness:
All the kings and queens in the Bible
They could not turn back time.
So what chance have I of a miracle
In this life of mine?
A sense of helplessness is one aspect of regret. We know it would take a miracle to undo the past, and we dare not hope for such a miracle.
The remainder of the first verse speaks of wanting to start over:
I only want one day
To unsay the things I said,
Undo the thing I did.
Twenty-four little hours!
Oh God, please wipe them all away
And I promise I will change
If I could start today again.
A longing to start again is another aspect of regret. We yearn to have a second chance, to have another opportunity to do things differently. And we tend to express this yearning by pleading with God for help. Even those who do not believe in God often call out to him in their distress.
The second verse begins with an excuse:
I know I’m not the milk-and-honey kind.
Today I proved it true.
When the red mist falls around my eyes
I know not what I do.
An urge to make excuses is another aspect of regret. We try to lessen our suffering by lessening our guilt. We tell God and ourselves that we could not really help what we did or said.
The remainder of the second verse settles into sad introspection:
Please give me back today.
I won’t say the things I said
Or do the thing I did.
Every minute, every hour
The replay’s just the same
And I can’t stand the shame.
Oh, let me start today again.
A tendency to dwell on our offence is yet another aspect of regret. We keep mulling over what has happened, and as we do so we feel an increasing sense of discomfort and disgrace. And this in turn drives us to bargain with God. We promise him that we will do better in the future if only he will help us to set things right in the past.
The third and final verse sinks into resignation:
I only want one day
One lousy day, that’s all,
Of every day that’s been before
Since time began.
I know my prayer’s in vain
So for a second I’ll pretend
That I can start today again.
A sense of resignation is the final aspect of regret. We give up any hope of actually setting things right. We abandon any thought that God will answer our prayers. And for solace we may even “pretend” that we can “start today again”. But such pretence lasts only “for a second”—and then the “replay” begins again.
What, then, can be done about regret? Can we never get free of it, except by pretence?
Fortunately, things are not that bleak. The solution is to do what Paul Kelly began but abandoned. We should call out to God.
We intuitively know that God exists. We intuitively know that he has the power to help us. But what we don’t know by intuition is whether or not he is inclined to help us. However, where intuition stops, inspiration starts. For God reveals his will in the sacred writings he inspired, the same writings Kelly mentions in the first line of his song.
The Bible teaches us that God personally cares for each one of us. And he invites and promises us: “call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you” (Psalm 50:15).
We should call upon God with humility and in contrition. We shouldn’t make excuses (“I’m not the milk-and-honey kind …”) or offer bribes (“I promise I will change/ if …”). We should acknowledge our guilt and admit we have nothing worthwhile to offer in return for the help we seek.
God loves us and longs to forgive and restore us. To all who will hear he says: “Come now, let us reason together … Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool’” (Isaiah 1:18).
The means by which God cleanses our sin and settles our conscience is the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus died on the cross to make amends to God for all the regrettable and reprehensible things we have thought, said and done.
When we listen to reason and repent we become receptive to more of God’s tender invitations and promises. Writing as God prompted them, the apostles Peter and Paul urge and assure God’s people: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7); “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).
The good news is that we need not be consumed with regret. There is a “chance … of a miracle/ in this life of [ours]”—more than a chance, an assurance, in fact. God promises the miracle of forgiveness and peace to all who come to him through faith in his Son, Jesus.
Even for those of us who trust in him, God will not turn back time. But he will in time turn back the effects of our past wrongdoing. And he will in time turn back the selfishness in our natures that gives rise to the sort of words and actions that give rise to all our regrets.